Everyone is right, but only partially…
I’ve been taking ORSC courses and enjoying wrestling with many of the systems concepts. This week I’ve been thinking about perspectives and how “everyone is right, but only partially.” It’s a useful framework when thinking about our assumptions, how we handle conflict, and how we make decisions.
My first thought about everyone being partially right was of an image from an Indian parable about a group of men who couldn’t see. They each approached an elephant from different directions, felt a different part of the elephant, and described it to the others. The descriptions they gave, based on what they felt, were all different.
“In some versions of the parable, the men come to suspect each other of being dishonest and start to fight.
The moral of the parable is that humans have a tendency to claim absolute truth based on their limited, subjective experience as they ignore other people's limited, subjective experiences which may be equally true.” paraphrased from Wikipedia
What comes up for you as you think about the parable?
Is there anyone you know who might benefit from being reminded of the parable?
For me, it’s an excellent reminder to think about other’s perspectives in different situations. I can be quick to make decisions and having an image of elephant parts can help me make sure I’m considering different options and perspectives when I make decisions.
Assuming everyone is partially right reminds me of, “yes, and” and my desire to assume best intentions. This month I’m working on managing my energy and stress. Trying harder to imagine that everyone is partially right helps me calm down enough to pause and reflect on what’s driving my perspective.
A simple and non-confrontational example involves my oldest who is tackling his first Ikea furniture assembly project in his new apartment. Having had to take something apart and put it back together after not reading the instructions clearly is a vivid experience for me. …If I think about it, it might have happened more than once. When he sent a frustrated text about it, I wanted to give advice and share my experience. My young adults, like many other people I know, prefer to learn from their own mistakes.
When I approach this situation assuming everyone is partially right, it’s much easier to pause long enough to appreciate how having agency over the project is the most important thing for my oldest and my role is to acknowledge and validate his efforts.
Think about a conflict you’ve had in the past. Can you imagine how all members of the conflict are partially right about something, even if it’s just a fraction of a percent?
Another way to think about how everyone is partially right involves a more structured reflection about what we each bring to a situation. Last month I summarized Jeff Wetzler’s book, Ask, along with his modified version of the Ladder of Inference. In summary, we bring our experiences, assumptions, identity, biases, values, and ways of being to each situation in how we select the information we want to focus on, how we process it, what we conclude from it, the story we tell ourselves about it, and the actions we then take.
I love the Ladder of Inference. It reminds me that I am a unique individual bringing all of my internal stuff to every situation. How does leaving all my friends in Madison, WI at age 6 and moving to Newark, DE, crossing a picket line to attend 2nd grade when the area was desegregated, choosing a women’s liberal arts college, completing a PhD studying volcanoes, working for multiple startups, etc. influence the way I approach situations? The challenges I faced along with my learnings are a part of me. It’s good to remember that others can’t know our full stories and it may not be clear why we react the way we do.
Reflection:
What types of information do you have that others you work with do not have?
What types of information do you have that your family and friends do not have?
What might be helpful for others to know?
How can the Ladder of Inference help you?
What would change for you if you believed everyone was partially right?
