Perfectionism Resources
The key takeaway from the session was to recognize maladaptive behaviors, find techniques that work for you to move out of the maladaptive behaviors, and practice self-compassion.
We had an enjoyable discussion about how to handle (say no to) work situations where we are asked to take on an extra role, often administrative in nature, because we are high performers. We also discussed situations where we judge others or feel judged.
When we are feeling more judgmental, we first recommend practicing curiosity, for example reflecting on what else might be contributing to it. Many times we move into a judging mindset when we are outside of our comfort zone.
We also recommend to continue to build relationships. Often learning more about someone can help us better understand their communication styles. In many cases the other person will appreciate your interest and view you more favorably.
Replace Maladaptive with Adaptive Behaviors:
Flawless perfectionism -> Positive striving
Self-criticism -> Self-compassion
Rigidity -> Flexibility
Avoiding risks -> Taking reasonable risks
Small comfort zone -> Expanded comfort zone
Judgment -> Curiosity
A few techniques for making the shift from maladaptive to adaptive behaviors:
Embrace -ISH (example: 10,000-ish steps)
Find ways you like to relax (example: cleaning a drawer or exercise)
Think about times you’ve felt joyful and what caused it (example: noticing sunlight reflecting on trees - it was noted that these moments are absent of self-criticism)
Mantra: How much is enough? (example: how much of this book do I need to read?)
Practicing the six seeds of groundedness (Brad Stulberg book)
Accept where you are
Be present
Be patient
Embrace vulnerability
Build deep community
Move your body
My goal for the month is to repeat my mantra throughout the day to question how much is enough of the things I’m doing or thinking about.
Our next complimentary session is titled, Levity: Your New Superpower. Join us on Wednesday, October 11 at 11 am PT/2 pm ET! During the one-hour workshop, we will explore humor and how to use it as our secret weapon.
Summary of Sep Session, Overcome the Perfection Trap
Key Takeaways
Perfectionism is a spectrum (one end is positive)
Claim the power of adaptive behaviors (intrinsically motivated positive striving)
Recognize and move away from maladaptive behaviors (unrealistic high standards that are externally focused)
Tips (see techniques above)
Our economy relies on people not feeling good enough so they buy more
Success is a deep pit
Embrace your imperfections
Perfectionists do not expect everything to be perfect all the time, however, they still feel disappointed by imperfection
Some perfectionists prefer active relaxation like organizing, exercising, or completing a short task
To reflect on:
Are you aiming for excellence in more than one area?
Are most of your behaviors adaptive, maladaptive, or not perfectionist?
Were you praised more for being brave, perfect, or both?
Are you using perfection or control as a shield to protect you from something?
Additional Resources - Books
The Perfection Trap: Embracing the Power of Good Enough by Thomas Curran (Aug 2023)
The Good Enough Job: Reclaiming Life from Work by Simone Stolzoff (May 2023)
Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic-and What We Can Do About It by Jennifer Breheny Wallace (Aug 2023)
Brave, Not Perfect: How Celebrating Imperfection Helps You Live Your Best, Most Joyful Life by Reshma Saujani (May 2020)
Enough As She Is: How to Help Girls Move Beyond Impossible Standards of Success to Live Healthy, Happy, and Fulfilling Lives by Rachel Simmons (Feb 2018)
What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing Hardcover by Oprah Winfrey, Bruce D. Perry (Apr 2021)
The Gifts of Imperfection: 10th Anniversary Edition: Features a new foreword and brand-new tools by Brené Brown (Mar 2022)
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Dr. Kristin Neff (Jun 2015) - I liked this one more than her more recent book
Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab (Mar 2021)
The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power by Katherine Morgan Schafler (Jan 2023)
How to Be Perfect: The Correct Answer to Every Moral Question by Michael Schur (Jan 2022) - If you liked watching, The Good Place, this is fun to listen to.
Becoming Flawesome: The Key to Living an Imperfectly Authentic Life by Kristina Mand-Lakhiani (Jun 2023)
Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience by Brené Brown (Nov 2021)
Additional Resources - Online
